Somehow, I was smart enough to marry a man who understood money better than I did. He knew that investing early was the way to financial freedom. I, on the other hand, couldn’t get my mind around saving for retirement when I was in my early twenties. I wanted to live a little. We had just finished paying our way through college without student loans. I was tired and wanted to finally spend instead of hoarding it all away.
That “I work hard, I deserve it” mindset could have robbed me of financial freedom. Luckily, my husband understood that at a young age, and helped me to understand it, even though it took me a few years to grasp.
Financial insecurity can cause huge problems in marriage. Disagreements over finance are a big reason for divorce (which alone can ruin your finances). So, if you are the spouse that is desperate for the other to change their money habits, there is hope. I changed the way I thought about money with a lot of help from my husband.
These are the things that turned me away from the dark side:
Understanding the Basics
Thanks to my upbringing, I understood the 2 basic rules of money.
- Don’t spend money you don’t have
- Don’t live paycheck to paycheck
Ignoring the basics leads to instability and dissatisfaction in many areas of life – especially marriage. When I began my adult career, I realized that a lot of people don’t have this stuff down. Certain coworkers of mine always dealt with a stressful balancing act of when to pay certain bills so their financial Jenga game didn’t collapse around them.
It’s impossible to save for the future without these 2 rules set in concrete. So, if your spouse doesn’t implement them, this is the place to start. A meeting about the budget is the most important way to help your spouse see the damage of their spending habits. Although, the meeting shouldn’t turn into a blame game. The problem should be approached as a couple attacking a problem, not one spouse attacking the other.
A good solution is to start a budget, decide an amount that will go into savings at each paycheck, and decide what is appropriate to spend. A great way to keep from over spending is to only carry cash, but it’s better if both spouses do it so the less financially disciplined one doesn’t feel like they are being punished.
No Financial Stress on Your Marriage
We were the most financially strained during our first year of marriage – going to school full time, paying for it out of pocket, and working part time jobs. There were many times we worried we wouldn’t pull it off. We were on the same page, though, and we saved diligently to put some money away for a cushion. Once we had that, and a plan for the rest of our schooling, we didn’t fight about money anymore. Money was still tight, but we had a plan, and knew it would be okay.
Once the basics are implemented, the financial stressors in the marriage will be gone. If everything is going well, there’s no need to argue about it, right? Removing a pressure point altogether is great for a marriage. There are plenty of other things to stress about. With the right plan, money doesn’t have to be one of them.
Spending Money Won’t Make You Happier
This is the area I fell short in for a while. Once we made it through college and had stable jobs, I felt like I could let loose. I spent the most money on food – buying a lunch every day instead of packing one.
This caused more disagreements. I felt like I could spend the money I was earning how I wanted to, and my husband always pointed out how much more money we could be putting into retirement if I would stop spending.
My husband wanted to take our finances to the next level. We were paying all of our bills, had money in savings, and were financially secure. But he knew that wouldn’t be enough to reach financial freedom at a young age. I wasn’t on board because I wanted to live in the now and I didn’t see the harm in that.
It took a while, with his patient reminders, and me just spending anyway. But, I slowly realized that it wasn’t making me any happier, in fact, it was holding us back on making big financial steps forward.
Really, I had to figure this one out on my own. I had to learn that exercising self-control would give me greater satisfaction than if I continued to spend my money needlessly.
Results
This is the best part. Making a plan and putting it into action takes a lot of hard work and discipline. It’s not fun. You have money, but it’s just sitting in an account, not bringing you any joy. If you stick it out for a few years, investing it and saving it, you’ll look at your net worth one day and be shocked at the number. Then you’ll do the math and maybe realize that you’ll retire even earlier than you originally planned. That’s an amazing feeling. It’s also addicting.
You’ll be motivated to feel that every time you look at your accounts, and spending money won’t have such a pull on you. Saving money will. The further you get on your path of financial freedom, the more motivating it is to keep going. You won’t get tired. You’ll get stronger and better.
So if your spouse isn’t on the same page as you, don’t worry too much. Take steps to remind him or her why financial freedom is a happier path. Don’t give up, show them what they could be missing and share your dream of what could be. Don’t attack them, attack the problem – together, and look forward to a life of freedom – together.